I missed it

Lately, I've been wound up in all these things SAT's, AP Tests, grades...everything that seems insignificant to me. I am lost once again. Normally, around this time of year, the cherry blossoms bloom beautifully on my tree in front of ym house. My parents think it is a nuisance to have to clean up all the petals that drop. However, this year I sort of...missed them... The only thing I remember is telling myself " Look the buds are coming out," and today I'm telling myself...they're gone. How could I miss such beauty that is right in front of me? I guess i never really acknowledged the blossom's presence this year. I am focusing on things that are only letters to me. SAT's and AP's...unnecessary. Yet I do it to please my parents. I'm at a loss of words...I see my friends at church growing closer while i isolate myself to study. At school I don't regularly hang out with the people out of school. I'm missing my youth time I guess. This feeling hasn't left me for a while. I've drifted apart from God. Prayer is no longer the base of my life anymore and I hate to admit it but I'm so lonely. I feel...empty. I feel so insignificant. I feel pathetic. I feel like I no longer belong....well that's a bit too extreme, but I feel as if I'm a bird on the ground....staring at the blue sky. The blue seems to almost make my eyes into a clear sky blue. Clouds, that look as if they could be squished. My natural habitat, the sky. But...I can't get up there. No matter how hard I try to fly into the clouds, around the clouds, just to taste the blue I can't. What am I looking for? What have I missed? Unsatisfied. Thirsty. Hungry. God is calling me......... there's no answer yet